I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Randomize
