first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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