my shit smells like andre
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
