The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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