whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
