It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
