she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
