Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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