I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
