Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
