the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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