Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
did you just send me my own nude
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
