Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
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