My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
