pop tarts are not kleenex
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
