after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just invented taco cereal.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
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