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Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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