he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
