i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
