I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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