I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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