is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
