i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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