It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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