Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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