You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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