You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
