I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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