put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
