You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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