I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
