i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
