I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
