Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
