3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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