shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
