everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
