I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
