i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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