so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
