I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
