Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
