Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
