i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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