I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
