Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
