I'm gonna have a badass scar
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
