They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
