where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
