her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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