I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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